Back to school is one of my favorite seasons. I love new school supplies and new school shoes. I adore all the back to school pictures and signs and, especially in the lower grades, the nervous/excited smiles and white-knuckle hand holding of those first days…from both kid and parent.
This year I sent my Mackenzie to Kindergarten and her 1st day pictures were adorable! She smiled so big and held her sign and was so excited 🙂
It didn’t last long.
The transition from half day preschool to full day Kindergarten at a new school with new everything, has been rough. Most of our morning drop offs have involved tears and clinging to my leg and begging me not to leave. It’s just as hard for me to walk away from her as it is for her to let go of me. I felt like a brand new mom again and I started to seek out some positive ways we can ease the transition from home to school.
Truthful Talk & Making a Plan
After the first few mornings of tear filled drop offs, and realizing it was more than just first day jitters, I had a very honest talk with my daughter. We talked about the feelings she was having about starting a new school year at a new school. She was nervous and lonely and feeling “shy of people” and I could see how this was weighing on her. I reminded her that it was totally ok to feel this way and that lots of kids are nervous at the beginning of the school year. We talked about what it means to be brave and that sometimes doing something that makes us nervous is SUPER brave.
And then we made a plan. We decided that in the morning when they had time to play she would ask one particular little girl, whom she had played with on the first day, to swing with her. It seemed that knowing exactly what she was going to do in the morning helped ease some of those drop off nerves.
The Cheerful Goodbye & P.M.A (Positive Mental Attitude)
This one is on us moms. It’s no secret that our kids are little mimes. They naturally mirror our attitudes and mood and this is not always a good thing. Watching her struggle with separation and feeling lonely was torture for me, the last thing we ever want is for our babies to feel is hurt but it is unavoidable and also something they must learn to work through. So I’ve been making sure that every morning my energy and attitude was upbeat. I use lots of positive talk; the smiles, the hugs and the ‘I love yous’ are plentiful. I reassure and cheer her on and tell her how brave she is for giving it another try.
We are almost 3 weeks in and we are still having rough mornings but I’m workin hard to remain her steady calm in the midst of the kindergarten hurricane.
Talk, Talk, Talk to Everyone
Ok, I don’t have a quick fix to our school drop off issue. But I figured someone else may, so I began to ask around. I talked to everyone; my mom, my mom friends, her teachers, other moms at drop off, to come up with some strategies for a smooth start to the day. In doing so I began to understand just how normal this is and I was absolutely not alone. So many moms and dads face tears on school mornings!
As fate would have it, one of the moms I chatted up at drop off mentioned that her daughter was also struggling with the new school/new friends thing and we decided to set up a little “meet cute”. The girls now know they have someone to seek out and for Mackenzie, that’s a huge comfort.
Slow and Steady…AND NO WEEKEND PLANS!
What I am realized quickly was that, for my child, there is not going to be a quick turnaround on all this. Part of this process for me, is remembering who my daughter is, the things she struggles with, her strengths and simply what does and does not work for her. Consistency is key and downtime is crucial!
Speaking of downtime…I learned this the very hard way this past weekend. I stupidly jam packed it with “fun” stuff; bbqs, friends, family…things she would normally love but we are no longer operating in normal. She was a mess…the start of this week was a mess…I made a rookie mistake and we paid for it.
The wonderfully wise Jen Hatmaker said it best and I didn’t listen:
“After the first week of school, here are your weekend plans: ZERO PLANS. Don’t you dare head off to some Friday night situation with your kids thinking you are about to have some “First Week of School Friday Night Celebration” because what you will actually have is a Grade A Public Meltdown. Your kids are a living disaster. Their bodies and minds are exhausted beyond all measure, and they can handle exactly none additional stimulation. They used up all their energy capital getting through the first week of school, and now they are like pod people who need to be put on the couch with Popcorn Dinner and a movie and that is the end of this tale.”
And she was right…
6pm on Sunday night.
These babies of ours are going to have to go out into a wide world over and over and it’s going to be scary over and over so it falls to us to help teach positive, practical and doable strategies for counteracting the scary. In this house it’s patience, reassurance and back to back episodes of Odd Squad.
I’m also having to constantly remind myself that this is all ok. The struggle is ok. We are all ok. I’m not a horrible mom for having the kid who won’t leave me. I’m just a mom taking another ride on the struggle bus…and that’s ok.
Are you facing any back to school challenges? What strategies have worked for you??
