I turned 35 a few weeks back. I’m not entirely sure why, but turning 35 overwhelmed me. I know, I know…it’s not OLD by any means, I get that. It still felt old to me, especially since I do not in any way feel like I’m 35.
Most days I kinda feel like a 35 year old imposter….who does she think she is with kids and a mortgage and paying bills on time and keeping a house from imploding and making doctors appointments and BEING A FUNCTIONING ADULT??! But look at me go 🙂
In the months preceding this birthday, things got weird. Like inside my brain. I started to kinda question my identity. I started to not recognize myself in a lot of ways, and not just in a “I’m a mom and where did my free spirited 20 something self go” sort of way. In a very basic and fundamental “this isn’t me” sort of way. I spent a lot of time thinking and kinda praying and the more I ran, frankly, the clearer things got. I have this incredible life with a husband and kids I adore. I have friends I love. I have a body and mind that work. So what the hell felt wrong? I decided to go about it in a very basic way and sat down to make a Pro and Con list. Pros were everything that filled me up, brought me joy and felt purposeful. Cons were the exact opposite.
Things became clear pretty quickly so I made a conscious effort to change…
I gave up a MLM business that did not provide or inspire anything but stress and anxiety and quickly realized that culture is so far from my wheelhouse it was actually kinda comical.
I started taking better care of my physical self; working out, running, investing in quality skincare, eating clean and making good food a priority for my family.
I started caring a whole lot less what people thought of me, my family, my actions, my words and made sure I was living, believing and saying things that felt as authentic as possible.
I made my mental health a focus…starting with a prescription for Lexapro which has, in many ways, saved me. This also made me think more and more about the stigma attached to mental health medications but that’s for another day.
Overall? I was feeling better and more “myself” than I had felt in years. It was during a conversation with a friend that I used the term “1/3 Life Crisis”. I used it in a light hearted way but I stopped at that moment and thought, “But I’m not in crisis.”
By definition, “crisis” means an intense time of difficulty, trouble or danger. Yea, maybe this point in my life was a bit tough, but crisis just didn’t fit, it all felt more like a great transition. So that’s what I called it, my 1/3 Life Transition. A transition into a person that felt much more authentic, a person who had come to believe strongly in the important things in life and who was willing to stand by those beliefs. A person who was in charge of raising little people into adult people who would someday, hopefully, take this sad world forward instead of the dramatic and regressive backslide we’ve been experiencing.
I’ve become a critical consumer of information. I’ve started to question much more intensely and learn with abandon because this is the way we make change. I’ve stopped apologizing for the things people don’t agree with. I’ve started speaking my mind in a way that is pertinent and intelligent and respectful. I’ve started to just call bullshit when I see bullshit. And man oh man, the bullshit is abundant.
Bottom line, I’m living my life for myself, my family and those friends who bring joy, light, love and positive energy into it. I adore the people I surround myself with; I keep them close and I try to give back as much as they give to me. I am focusing my energy on those things that move this world forward, that create instead of destroy, that fill up and not drain. It’s surprisingly easy to do when you decide you don’t HAVE TO live in crisis. You can live in transition and love the person who emerges.
So 35? Bring it on.
