You Get What You Give…and You Also Get Ego Checked 

You know how some people are naturals? Like a natural leader or a natural problem solver or, not in my case, a natural athlete. Throughout my life I envied the latter. I was more the natural bruncher or the natural event planner or the natural lay-on-the-couch-and-binge-3-seasons-of-The-Office type of person. 

When I started this running thing back in the fall, I had a few realizations;

1. I needed good shoes because my knees were now almost 35 years old and not all that keen on the idea of distance running. I think I literally heard them LOL the first time I ran more than a mile. 

2. I had to factor my kids into this plan…cuz I’m like, in charge of their care. More on this later. 

3. This WAS NOT going to be easy and natural for me.

And oh no no it wasn’t and some days it still isn’t. The first 8 weeks of dedicated running were awful and it beat me down not just physically but psychologically. I remember being baffled that ANYONE would want to do this for long distances! Then I watched my best friend run and finish the Chicago Marathon and immediately said, “Yes, I am going to voluntarily run 26.2 miles”. Like a lot of first timers, I had no idea what I was in for.

Yea my knee hurt me, but some good shoes helped that. I always have at least 1 of my 2 kids with me on a run and the purchase of the world’s best running stroller (B.O.B Revolution, you have my heart) took care of that issue. But the not easy/not natural part? That took some getting used to. 

Most days I felt like a snail in sand with asthma; I had some days when a simple mile felt like a full marathon. These runs made me immediately question the decision I’d made to run a marathon, made me want to simply give up. But can I share a little secret? I do that a lot…and I kinda didn’t want to do that anymore. If I was going to “be a runner”, I was going to have to face the hard part head on and get to the other side. I wanted to do this. I wanted to put in the work. I was starting to see my body change in ways I had longed for and after 2 kids, I pretty much started to feel like a swimsuit model! (To be clear, I was not then, nor am I know even close to being photographed in a freaking bathing suit, but I was feeling good). Also, my family was seeing the importance I was putting on health and exercise and in this high calorie, fake food, obesity ridden country of ours, that was huge! Little eyes and little minds learn fast! 

So yea, that was awesome. Those first running months were hard and I doubted myself constantly and a lot of days the internal argument to go out for a run went something like this…

“You need to shut it”

“But you know you’ll feel better and you’ve worked so hard and why stop now?!?!” 
(my brain is annoyingly optimistic and cheerleader-y) 

“Yea but I’m tired and the kids didn’t sleep and it’s not an ideal 72 degrees and I kinda have to pee and I don’t have time”

“FINE!” *slams brain door and gets dressed*

And every time, I’m glad I went. And the months went on and I got stronger and my endurance increased and I ran a 5k and then a 10k and I could pretty easily put away 3 miles at a time. I knew how to tape my knee to ensure comfort. I knew how to pace my miles to hit my time goal. I learned how my body responds to certain foods pre and post run. I kept track of how many miles I logged on my shoes so I could replace them when they hit their mileage mark. I could talk about stride and breathing technique and which running app I preferred. I was a runner! Like an actual person who runs as a regular part of their life! I HAD ARRIVED! You got running questions? Lay it on me, I got you. I’m practically the Editor in Chief of Runner’s World now so….

Then today happened and I was PUT. IN. MY. PLACE.

Today was hot…like 87 degrees and humid by 9am. I dropped my oldest off at camp, threw the baby into the BOB and set out to quickly get my 3 miles in and get to Target. I’m like a real runner now so this is nbd, brb. 

I’ve done the bulk of my running in chilly to comfortable weather, I was not ready for what running in real heat was going to do. I had a hard time breathing, I almost immediately felt dehydrated and over heated. My legs felt super heavy and the continuous stream of sweat kept getting in my eyes. I was more physically uncomfortable than I have been in a long time and I had to slow my pace and walk way more than I have done in months. It was brutal and 3 miles felt like 13. I got pissed and annoyed and beyond frustrated with myself and the situation. And then, per usual when I run, I had a little “come to Jesus” moment with myself. 

Ugh, stupid dumb subconscious being right all the time. 

So today was bad. Tomorrow will be better. But I needed today. I needed the reminder that while I’ve come far, I’ve still got miles to go. I’ve put in the time and sweat and tears but I’m not done. I’m just a little baby runner in a big wide running world and there is lots to learn. 

Ego? Checked.