Mom guilt is, by far, one of the most infuriating phrases I’ve ever heard. Like being a mom, stay at home or otherwise, in 2019 isn’t hard enough…let’s make sure we feel bad about all of it too.
We feel guilt because we don’t do enough. We feel guilt because we do too much and miss out. We feel guilt because we compare. We feel guilt because we allow the expectations of others dictate our self worth. We feel guilt because of the the expectations we set for ourselves.
We feel guilt because social media “tells” us how to be. We feel guilt because we are trying to right old wrongs. We feel guilt because it’s easier than simply accepting what is and working from there.
We feel guilt about freaking everything.
And I’m done.
This year, as my oldest starts 1st grade and my youngest starts pre-school, I am CHOOSING to celebrate that which I have accomplished, my MOMcomplishments:
- A summer of fun
- A stable house with parents who work together to create a safe haven
- Experiences with people and places that challenge, educate and expand minds
- A group of people around us that love and support
- A childhood that isn’t “perfect”
And I’m acknowledging the things that challenge me as a parent:
- Patience with them and myself
- The ability to thoughtfully parent in a climate of racism and division
- An open mind and flexibility when the wrong inevitably happens
- The presence of mind and self awareness to take care of myself when I’m depleted
- Saying NO to the things that don’t serve them or me.
These things require my time and attention. These things require a plan of action and forward movement. What they don’t require is guilt over whether or not it’s all happening correctly and on time and in the way I thought they would.
All of the things that cause guilt, they become the focus of our lives. They take over the parts of our brain and hearts that are needed to really live life. We are cheating ourselves and our families by dwelling on them.
So right now….
Grab a piece of paper. Open the Notes app. Write it on the back of your hand.
What are you biggest accomplishments of this past summer? What are you doing, no matter how small, to create a life for yourself and your family that you are proud of? What are you wins? What are YOUR MOMcomplishments?
Then…
Jot down what challenges you, what creates the mom guilt. How can you change that? What small, starting step can you take to address one of those things? Be realistic, be honest with yourself and moreso, be KIND and patient.
We must start the greatest journeys well intentioned, patient and kind with ourselves. Parenting is no different.
This school year, CHOOSE to not let ‘mom guilt’ be a thing. Be done with her, she ain’t cute anymore.