Oh man…it’s August. Kinda feels like the end of a race I didn’t train for…out of breathe, achy and thankful it’s over.
It’s been a hell of a summer and a hell of a blogging break. To say I felt uninspired this summer is an understatement. I’ve been a mess. I’ve become a version of myself that I didn’t like, wasn’t proud of, didn’t want to be around. I pushed people and things away and went inward, which is not always a healthy thing. So what do you do? Try again.
I’ve spent the last few weeks doing what I needed; consultations with my doctor, being truthful with family and friends, reaching out when it felt impossible and letting go of that which I cannot control. I’m feeling on the other side of things but this is a climb, not a downward slide.
A huge part of what drove the darkness these last few months was the seemingly boomerang-like effect that I experienced post Marathon. When I swore off running immediately following the Chicago Marathon, I never intended for it to be permanent. Here I am almost a year later and I have morphed back into the out of shape, unhappy-with-myself person I was prior to beginning my runner’s journey. Simply put, I’m pissed about it. And there is no one to place blame on but me and that sort of self-loathing is a toxic plague on your mental health. But now, I’ve got myself on a better course and am finally at peace with the amount of work that I’m facing as I regain what has been lost.
It’s all sort of perfect, actually, and not at all coincidental that this feeling of rising up and do-over comes as the summer closes. I’ve always loved the end of summer/early fall. Not for any reason that’s even remotely pumpkin-spice related, but for the feeling of restarting, resetting, being able to try again.
So I’ve got my plan of action:
- Register for a race. Lay out a training plan. Run.
- Ordering a new Panda Planner and thinking through some short and long term goals.
(Give one a try if you haven’t:Â https://amzn.to/2OtHqOo - Committing to this blog for so many reasons.
- Giving myself a bit of grace in the journey.
Remember, it’s ok, all you have to do is try again.
xoxo