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10 weeks. I will be running the Chicago Marathon in 10 weeks. We are officially half way there.
*cue anxious poops and involuntary trembling*
I’ve hit the part of training that everyone whose done this marathon training stuff has told me about…I hate running. I hate training. I hate sore knees and constant sweating. I hate finding the time. I HATE EVERYTHING!!
And such is life to those who are willing to pay attention, I learned a damn lesson. Full Disclosure: I’ve been faking it, half-assing this training…
Last Saturday I had the long run from hell…I was under nourished, under hydrated, I hadn’t been sleeping well, I was a mess and it showed. 12 miles was the plan and I called it at 6.5…I was so angry and so frustrated and so damn disappointed in myself. Around 2 miles I puked, around 3 miles I broke down and told Heidi between sweaty sobs that “I have no business doing this!! I can’t do this! This is beyond me!!” I stood there on that path and cursed the very moment I hit “Submit” on my registration form. Then that BFF of mine looked me dead in the eyes and said, “You can do this” and I while I didn’t fully believe her, I moved forward. More tears, lots of walking, an epic internal battle between what I needed to do, what my body was going to let me do and what my mind was telling me I couldn’t do.
We made it to my mom’s house, our planned refueling spot, and with a completely defeated soul, I admitted that I didn’t have 12 in me…it just wasn’t going to happen. I was cramping so badly, I was dizzy and lightheaded. It was incredibly hot and humid, tough conditions for any runner let alone one one who hasn’t been doing what the hell she should have been doing.
I very SLOWLY made my way home (Heidi finished the 12 because she is amazing) and laid on the kitchen floor wondering if this was the end. In that moment I had a quick “come to Jesus” with myself, “If you’re going to do this, then do it well. Otherwise what’s the friggin’ point?” So I chucked that run and hit reset. It was the low point and we all need a low point sometimes. At the very least to prove that change is necessary.
That night I sat and ready every damn article, blog post and Insta caption that talked about runner nutrition, recovery workouts, hydration needs, optimal post run stretches. I made grocery lists and set nutrition goals…SUCH boring shit!! But it’s that boring shit that I’d been truly half-assing. I had been doing the “glory” part without truly earning it. Yea I can post smiley run pictures and tell people how great it’s going but in reality I wasn’t really doing it the way I wanted to, I was faking it. I was doing the bare minimum on the prep side and then wondering why my performance wasn’t what I wanted it to be. I had fallen into the Oh-I-Ran-5-Miles-Today-So-I’m-Gonna-Eat-Cookie-Dough-For-Lunch trap. Well guess what? I’m a 35 year old non athlete with a history of bad food choices and an excuse for everything so THAT sort of attitude didn’t really work for me. Duh.
This past week has been nothing but lean proteins, green smoothies, veggies (without Ranch for dipping, smh) gallons of water, the right kind of carbs and fats, yoga and foam rolling. I’ve watched my salt intake and *tried* to get more sleep (here’s where MomLife comes into play…damn kids). My 3 weekday runs were better. Not amazing but better and you know Rome isn’t built and all. I was just more comfortable during and afterwards. Could all those experts be right?! *GASP*
Well, yesterday I ran a full Half Marathon. You guys! 13.1 miles! The farthest I’ve ever run and double what I ran the week before. And I did it feeling strong and sure of myself. Hell yea it was hard, but not too hard. I didn’t need to quit, I didn’t need to call it. I finished.
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| 13.1 and NOT faking it 🙂 |
So ok, fine, yes, the boring shit matters. The way you fuel your body matters, the amount of water matters, the amount of sleep matters. It’s not all about running the miles and taking the perfect selfie. It’s not all about the “I’m running the marathon” part. It’s about not faking it, not pretending to do this but doing it with your whole self. Otherwise, what IS the damn point? As my father always said, “Do it right or don’t do it at all”.
Brb, gotta go blend mixed greens and flaxseed.
